Perhaps the most frustrating part of having emotions is that emotions can conflict with each other. At best, conflicting emotions add to the complexity of human existence. At worst, conflicting emotions can block a person from doing anything at all.
Dieting paints a clear case of conflicting emotions. If yours truly loves donuts but wants to lose 10 pounds, conflict appears inevitable. On my jog, I pass the donut shop. My stomach lurches. I crave a coconut blueberry donut. I remember all the good times I’ve had when eating coconut blueberry donuts and the feeling of completeness I get after my second donut. Then I remember that I want to look good at the beach. I should keep running. If I look majestic enough, I may get discovered as a model. Again, I remember the donuts. My emotions are playing a ping-pong match to see what I will do.
The above example is natural, but the endlessly conflicting emotions aren’t useful. My mind is wasting a huge amount of energy deciding between continuing the jog and stopping in the donut store. How do I avoid my circular emotional tennis match?
Make a decision one way or the other.
If I make a decision, the cycle breaks. I will save energy. My life will improve either way. Waffling back and forth is the worst use of my time and energy.
I know, sometimes making a decision is really hard. If you can’t make a decision, begin by labeling the conflicting emotions.
Try to figure out what the interactions between the emotions are. See if any emotions are reactions to the past or are based on wrong assumptions.
If emotions are conflicting, there is a good chance at least one emotion is inaccurate.
When you see that one emotion is less valid than another, you are that much closer to making a good decision.
The above diet example could go either way. If I want to lose the weight to improve my quality of life, then I should skip the donut. However, if I’m already skinny and only want to be a model, I should realize that, realistically, I’ll be 28 this summer and have no shot at getting into the game this late in my life. Donuts are the right choice.
Conflicting emotions are a serious problem because your emotions tend to conflict most around the things you want the most.
Conflicting emotions cause obsessions and compulsive thoughts. Emotions can cycle and reinforce themselves or habits.
These emotional conflicts can prevent us from finding clear direction in our lives.
I sometimes see people who want to be a professional chef, computer programmer, and a concert violinist. But strangely, instead of doing one of these three things, they do none of them. Ten years pass, and instead of succeeding or failing at one or more of their life goals, the person is still at their office desk daydreaming of a different life.
Indecision is the enemy of happiness. Try to understand your emotional conflict. See if one emotion wins. If it’s really a draw, just decide randomly. However, if the decision is Desire vs Fear, I would choose desire every time (provided their is no physical danger involved).
Now that you know why emotions can be inaccurate, it’s time to learn how to see whether your emotions are accurate.
